…this morning, did the usual things and went to church. It was anniversary Sunday at Grace Baptist, a big event here. After I got there though I wasn’t feeling all that celebratory at all. Just felt kinda off, kinda out of place, but wasn’t really sure why, So after the “special music” I slipped out the back and headed out. I ended up taking a drive down to Huntington to clear my head. Swung by Borders and then settled into a nice latte at starbucks (just like ol’ times in NY). And broke open a book that I hadn’t read in a while, “The Enemy Within” by Kris Lundgaard. When I have a chance I’ll put something about it up under Books, but reading it exposed why I was feeling off. In short I had stepped away, without fully realizing it, from confronting sin in my life and had fell into some old habits that just won’t die. The kind you think you’ve licked but raise up their head when you least expect it. For some time I had been “entertaining” sin in my life under the guise of grace, excusing it as inconsequential because of the cross and denying its effect on my life and the lives I interact with. My foolish choices had been tearing my soul apart and rather than fighting it I dove right in, again and again. Until I was just too much to bear, too much to hide from. The cross of Christ paid for our sin, and the grace of God is endless, but holiness just doesn’t happen and sin cannot be taken lightly. So I think I am back on the right path again. Striving against sin through the Grace of God, depending on Him and not myself. And knowing that I will stumble, but getting back up again. Instead of embracing the dust.
So I woke up…
